My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
