listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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