my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
