I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
