what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
