Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
