would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
