peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
