somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
