You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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