so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
