You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
