You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
