i dedicated my morning wood to you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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