morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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