You just made me feel so damn special
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
thus making me awesome and them whores
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We're too hungover to prance.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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