you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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