dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
