I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
