you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
