Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
