There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
