I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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