Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
