How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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