I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
