Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
