guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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