I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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