i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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