so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
