Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
