so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
