One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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