you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
