He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
