I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
