Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
