Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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