I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I party with great urgency now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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