I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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