Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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