She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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