you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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