That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
His nipple licking is glorious
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