If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
