What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't deserve a penis
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
