I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
