Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
