I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
