She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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