that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
